How to (Not) Plan a Wedding

The wedding I once dreamed of, decided against, and lucked into anyways.

I was never one of those girls who envisioned her perfect wedding day down to the dress, the venue, & the flowers. At some point, I decided my ideal scenario would be eloping… I didn’t want a traditional wedding. After sharing this realization with my mom several years ago, she convinced me that the importance of celebrating a lifetime of marriage surrounded by family & friends outweighed my desire to have private nuptials. This was further solidified once the man I knew I would one day marry let me know of his wish to have a big wedding with all of our loved ones in attendance. Over time, I became fully persuaded that a big, traditional wedding would bring us more joy than my initial yearning for simplicity and privacy. Little did I know, my idea of my dream wedding would change once more for reasons I could never have anticipated.

OUR LOVE STORY

If you know us, you are aware of the saga of our love story. If you don’t know us, allow me to provide a quick overview. We met at Georgia Tech on college move-in weekend — it was Fall of 2007. I was instantly struck by Dockie’s charming dimples, and a month later, we went on a date to the campus pizza joint. We were served a baklava dessert accompanied by a sarcastic (yet quite fortuitous) “congratulations on your engagement,” courtesy of three of Dockie’s friends, who apparently saw far more humor in our first awkward date than we did. Although we didn’t realize it at the time, we had something special. Dockie thanked me for the date with a sweet kiss after he walked me back to my dorm room — that kiss was 13 years ago!

Before too long, we got over the awkwardness of our first date, and became great friends leading up to the end of our sophomore year. That summer we became smitten with each other somewhere between attending American History lectures, playing countless hours of non-dominant-hand pool volleyball, and embarking on a variety of other fun and unique adventures (as college kids are known to do). We dated our last two years of college before mutually parting ways to find our own way in the world as Dockie moved away to Texas upon graduation. Fortunately, our way in the world led us back to each other when he moved back to Atlanta four years later.

Judging by our occupations, we couldn’t be much more different. From design to marketing to art, I’m constantly striving to bring beauty, simplicity, & intentionality into my life and my work. I consider myself to be a true “aesthete.” Meanwhile, as Dockie has transitioned from engineering to supply chain analytics to management consulting, I’m continually bewildered at how much joy he finds the more numbers and logic find their way into his day-to-day routines. While everyone says that opposites attract, and on paper we appear to be, I believe that it’s our fundamental similarities that make us so compatible — two of which I find particularly relevant to this story. For one, we share a natural tendency for planning & organization. I could write a whole separate piece on this subject, but as a quick example, Dockie’s parents still remind me he would be distraught when he was little if he was told that they were going out for ice cream without notice. And second, we both have always had a strong inclination towards optimism, both in ourselves and in others. Both of these attributes played a significant role in how our wedding would eventually play out.

OUR ENGAGEMENT

On St. Patrick’s Day of 2019, Dockie’s friends who spied on our first date were proven right with a beautiful proposal in Freedom Park. At last, the time had come to plan the rest of our lives together, starting with our long-anticipated wedding!

Once we were engaged, we spent hours on-end dreaming of our future life together. One night we were discussing the perfect location when Dockie asked, “What about the lake?” Lake Rabun is where so many of Dockie’s childhood memories are from, and I fell in love with the magical place during my first visit there in the Spring of 2010. I quickly fired back with a list of reasons why it wouldn’t work… How would we find a venue large enough? Where would everyone stay? What if the weather isn’t perfect? The list went on… Dockie asked me to humor him and take a visit to the lake to see if it was feasible. Once we were there, neither of us could imagine getting married anywhere else!

Now that we had a venue and date, everything started to fall into place. We would get married on the sprawling lawn of Dockie’s grandparents’ property, Bluebird Cottage, right on the water. Afterwards, our guests would be boated across the lake (champagne in-hand) to an open-air pavilion. We would hire an amazing Motown band, have twinkle lights, and southern cuisine would be served. Our conversations of how we visualized our big day became so detailed, I could (finally!) see every detail of the weekend in my mind. And it was perfect.

Dockie and Shannon at Lake Rabun_2010.jpg

There were still logistical obstacles ahead, but as planners by nature, we both looked forward to the challenge. We found the perfect venues (that we didn’t even know were at the lake), booked waterside rental homes for the entirety of the guest list, and coordinated car and boat pickups down to the minute for every guest throughout the weekend. Our approach was that we were planning a weekend vacation for all of our favorite people, making it special and personalized for everyone. We were able to get all the details hammered out before our long-anticipated bachelor & bachelorette trips — just in time to sit back and enjoy all the festivities!

OUR DISAPPOINTMENT

What we didn’t account for was a pandemic. The week of Dockie’s 30th birthday, so many events we had looked forward to for months and even years started to fall apart one by one. From Dockie’s MBA graduation, to our bachelorette and bachelor parties, and finally to our wedding we had already worked so hard to plan, it became rapidly apparent that we would need to postpone. Thankfully, we were able to secure a new date in the Fall that worked for our family members and all our vendors, which allowed us to feel a little bit of relief that all our hard work wasn’t for nothing.

Without hesitation, we both knew we wanted to tie the knot on April 25th like we had originally planned. For us, looking forward to getting married was so much more than the pomp and circumstance of the event itself. Having waited so many years to move in together, we weren’t about to let a virus derail our plan to wait until after marriage, and we decided nothing could stop us from still making that happen on our originally planned date.

Our choice came naturally and without question to both of us. We told our parents and close friends, who met our decision with such understanding and joy. Over the course of the next few weeks, we each felt mixed emotions about being so alone on our wedding day. When I thought about getting ready without my best friends and mom, I felt overwhelmed with sadness. Dockie admitted that he wasn’t sure how he would feel without all of our loved ones there to witness, like he had always envisioned. After airing these feelings with each other, our family, & friends, we came to the conclusion that we would get ready together, and do the day exactly how we wanted to, all rules pushed aside. We agreed to have a positive outlook about the situation, while doing our best to keep our individual doubts and disappointments at bay.

OUR SPECIAL DAY

The day had arrived — it was April 25th! I woke up at my mom’s house, we enjoyed a long walk around the neighborhood and gawked at how perfect the weather was. It was high 60s, tracking for 70s by the afternoon, sunny, with a cool light breeze. We savored a homemade breakfast of eggs Benedict and I took my time getting ready, all the while getting thoughtful messages from loved ones to enjoy our special day. It was really sinking in that this day I had looked forward to for so long had finally arrived. I felt at-ease and excited without that nervous feeling that I always get before a big event. Dockie arrived just in time to join us for a laid back lunch, and then the two of us hit the road.

We were both giddy on the car ride, a feeling we always felt while heading to the lake, except this time our excitement was heightened by the fact that we were getting married. We were overwhelmed with excitement and love. The sweet gifts, flowers, and messages that we had received all week made us feel so loved and supported, and filled that void we had each felt a little nervous about missing. People kept asking, “so what’s the plan?” and the funny thing was, neither of us had one. All we knew was that we would make the drive sometime in the afternoon, and exchange vows around 6pm in the presence of our pastor & photographer. We had heard it was raining at the lake, and neither of us cared. We were too happy to worry about logistics or weather cramping our style. Our fastidiously planned day was winding up to be wonderfully simple.

When we arrived at the lake, the rain had cleared for us. We walked into Bluebird Cottage and were greeted with notes and surprises in every corner of the little cabin. Bottles of champagne, cards, gifts, flowers…even two little pinecones that were attached by their stem were set atop the bed. Dockie’s grandfather’s good friend, Jackie Bennett, had taken care of every detail for us so that we could enjoy this day that we hadn’t planned. We took it all in, set our bags down and decided we would each get ready in separate rooms and then I would yell when I was ready for the big reveal. The next thing we knew, we heard the amplified sound of rain pouring on the tin roof. We both laughed about how glad we were that we weren’t having to worry about safely covering 150 of our closest friends and family from the downpour.

About ten minutes later, I announced I was ready, and we met in the middle of the cottage in the teeny living room. It was the perfect first look, just us, and we were both in awe of the other. Dockie put my shoes on for me, I ran the curling iron through my hair one more time, and it wasn’t long before the rain subsided.

We walked outside, Dockie carrying the weighty train of my dress to try to avoid it getting muddy, and met Pastor Don at the end of the dock. I will never forget how I felt during that sweet little ceremony. I think it was just five minutes, but it was as if time stood still while my mind reeled through all of the years, memories, lessons, joyful moments, setbacks, and everything in between that brought us to this moment where we were finally committing ourselves to each other. It was truly a blissful feeling.

After the ceremony, we popped a bottle of champagne, and our photographer snapped a few pictures of us before the rain started coming down again. We FaceTimed our parents so we could all enjoy the evening together for a few minutes. It was after those calls that I kicked off my shoes and exclaimed, “I’m the happiest person in the world!” Our perfectly planned wedding had been flipped upside down, but the result was a romantic & effortless experience that far surpassed what either of us had ever imagined or could have orchestrated ourselves. A lesson for us that sometimes the best things in life aren’t planned, & by having an optimistic outlook regardless of the circumstances, there is room for serendipitous surprises. We heated up the delicious homemade meal Dockie’s grandfather had set out in the cottage for us, drank a bit too much champagne, wine & whiskey, and reveled in what we both knew would go down as our favorite day ever.